I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
