he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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