then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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