There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's rum buckets o'clock
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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