She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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