I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
