There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
