There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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