I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Your penis caused this!
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