proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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