I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
