If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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