I'm lost and stupid without you.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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