Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I lost the right to judge tonight
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
