Cold hands, warm shart.
if you like me you must not know who I am
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
