Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
whose ass print is on the piano?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
