I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
