Please don't use social media to get back at me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
