i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
