We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
