I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so that wasnt chicken after all
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
