i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
