Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
