So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
