i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
