my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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