omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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