you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
