hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
