He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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