Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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