Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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