No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
