Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
