Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
