Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
