So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
