I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
