His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
