I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
