It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
