We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
