i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
