Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
