I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
