Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Did we literally take a cab across the street
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
