ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
