So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
