i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we're making bets on your personal life
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
