I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
